I’m back (again)!

After another verrrrry long break I’m back again. Since August I feel like for the most part my life has been going non-stop. Passing the bar seemed easy compared to what I ended up dealing with after I got home. My family and I have had some tough times with illness and other depressing issues but what I have learned is where I get my stubbornness and willpower from. Grandma made it to 94 years old despite getting the flu, bronchitis, c. diff., being hospitalized, and having a stroke. She’s almost back to her normal independent self and miracle was really the only way any of us could think to describe it. There were a lot of tears, a lot of prayers, and a lot of family! Definitely know where the women in my family get their fighting spirit. 

That was one major thing to deal with, there were a whole lot more. I’ve almost lost way to many people over the last few months.

Of course, my boyfriend and I decide to start dating and not only does Hurricane Sandy immediately hit, but everything with grandma and other loved ones happened. He’s already seen me at my worst and he’s still here with me telling me he’ll never leave. I love him for that, most guys would have turned around and ran! I’m glad things are starting to look up. My family is getting back into a good stride and all the children have found healthy, loving relationships to hold on to. It’s taken a long time but I think we’re at a high point in our lives at the moment. 

Anyway, with all of that drama and the stress of being unemployed and not being able to pay my bills of course I’ve had a hard time with lupus flares. Until now, I hadn’t had any major flares. Just little ones, you know joint pain, low grade fever, exhaustion, headaches…the usual. About a month ago my heart started acting up so I’m in and out of the cardiologists office this week trying to figure out why. Hopefully it’s just a stronger flare and not fluid or anything around my heart. Today I should find that out so cross your fingers!

I’m off at the moment to do some cleaning and such before I head to the dr. I know this is nothing like my regular posts but I just wanted to post an update for now, I’ll be back to my old blogger self soon! 

Dani

Published in: on February 27, 2013 at 11:10 am  Comments (2)  
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Super Lupie?

Looking at my original schedule this semester, I had a thought. Why is that I feel the need to try and be superwoman all the time? One thing I realized was that I feel the need to do more than most “normal” people in an attempt to show that being sick can’t stop me from doing anything. Maybe not everyone does this but I certainly know some people that do.

I’ve always had a strong motivation and desire to succeed and really, that’s all I thought this was. But then I really thought about it – look at college. The normal enrollment was 16 credits I believe and the maximum you could take without permission was 18. So I took 17 or 18 every semester until my last one when I got seriously sick. I could have graduated in 3 years but I stayed an extra year. Who does that?!? Yea it was fun and I took some really fun and interesting courses that last year but it was really hard work to get to that point. “Normal” people graduate in 4 years, I managed to finish everything in 3. Many of those facing challenges take longer than 4 years. Law school was almost the same way, I keep taking these classes that I know are going to be extremely difficult and taxing but I do it anyway. It’s my last year and I changed my schedule to make it harder without even realizing it. Go me!

I finally fixed everything and made my life a whole lot easier but it definitely made me stop and think whether I do these things because of my own ambition or because I’m sick. Conclusion: both. I will always tell myself I can do better, I can push farther but I will also always want to tell everyone “Hey look what I can do!” in an effort to show that my disability doesn’t run my life. I’ve decided I need to back off on that second one now – I’ve more than proved myself at this point in my life and now it’s time to focus on what’s best for me.

Everyone have a wonderful, safe, and warm week!

Published in: on January 17, 2012 at 10:16 am  Comments (2)  
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