I’m back (again)!

After another verrrrry long break I’m back again. Since August I feel like for the most part my life has been going non-stop. Passing the bar seemed easy compared to what I ended up dealing with after I got home. My family and I have had some tough times with illness and other depressing issues but what I have learned is where I get my stubbornness and willpower from. Grandma made it to 94 years old despite getting the flu, bronchitis, c. diff., being hospitalized, and having a stroke. She’s almost back to her normal independent self and miracle was really the only way any of us could think to describe it. There were a lot of tears, a lot of prayers, and a lot of family! Definitely know where the women in my family get their fighting spirit. 

That was one major thing to deal with, there were a whole lot more. I’ve almost lost way to many people over the last few months.

Of course, my boyfriend and I decide to start dating and not only does Hurricane Sandy immediately hit, but everything with grandma and other loved ones happened. He’s already seen me at my worst and he’s still here with me telling me he’ll never leave. I love him for that, most guys would have turned around and ran! I’m glad things are starting to look up. My family is getting back into a good stride and all the children have found healthy, loving relationships to hold on to. It’s taken a long time but I think we’re at a high point in our lives at the moment. 

Anyway, with all of that drama and the stress of being unemployed and not being able to pay my bills of course I’ve had a hard time with lupus flares. Until now, I hadn’t had any major flares. Just little ones, you know joint pain, low grade fever, exhaustion, headaches…the usual. About a month ago my heart started acting up so I’m in and out of the cardiologists office this week trying to figure out why. Hopefully it’s just a stronger flare and not fluid or anything around my heart. Today I should find that out so cross your fingers!

I’m off at the moment to do some cleaning and such before I head to the dr. I know this is nothing like my regular posts but I just wanted to post an update for now, I’ll be back to my old blogger self soon! 


Published in: on February 27, 2013 at 11:10 am  Comments (2)  
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I have a life again!

Or the potential for having a life once again. Basically since April, I’ve been going non-stop.In April, I had surgery again to remove more pre-cancerous lesions that chemo was not working on. What did I learn? The following:

  • No matter how old you get or how many surgeries you have, you will always want those who raised you around – I couldn’t have done so well if my mom and dad weren’t with me.
  • ALWAYS ask for nausea medicine prior to surgery – whatever “magic pill” (that’s what they actually called it) they gave me, I plan on getting every time I have anything done
  • On that note, always get the name of what they give you – I forgot and now I have to go searching through records, fun fun.
  • Surgery, or any other major medical procedure/treatment, shows you who your real friends are – hang on to them ❤

Anyway, the surgery was successful and now I’m on chemo. I’ll probably need another one next year and I’ll stay on chemo for most of my life if they don’t get me off of CellCept. We shall see what happens with that. Followed by surgery, I took finals. This was the first time in law school I used accommodations. I had to convince myself it was okay to ask for them considering I’d had major surgery the week before. Major lesson learned? It’s OK to ask for help! In fact, I did it for the bar exam too and I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through without them. Bringing headache meds was a life saver!

So after finals I graduated and went on vacation. Managed not to flare, woot! Then onto studying for the bar. That experience was hell. I was living alone and in a flare so of course all I wanted to do was sleep. Trying to do 8+ hours of studying a day while fatigued, stiffed, and with a headache was not easy. I had a few meltdowns (again I learned who my real friends are!). Figuring out what was best for me was hard but I managed. Today I found out I passed! Last major lesson of the summer? Listen to your friends and family – they know you better than you might think. When I finally listened to the advice on studying from my dad, I grasped a lot more things I hadn’t been understanding.

And now with that joyous news, I’m off to loosen up my joints with a nice hot shower! I’ll be back soon, I promise no more 3 month long breaks :).

Published in: on August 27, 2012 at 7:31 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Why do they stick around?

This post is going to be slightly different because it just happened to be something I was thinking about the other day. Sometimes when bad things happen with my health, I feel like a horrible friend/sister/daughter/girlfriend because I feel as though all I do is put through hell all those close to me. When things happen, they’re these huge things that just cause everyone stress and worry and concern and I just don’t like being the cause of it – I’m sure that’s the way most of us feel.

So I was thinking “what makes people want to stay with me?” It might sound like a selfish question – and it probably is – but growing up with a chronic illness or other disability can make your self-image drop. Sometimes you need to step back and ask that question so that you can see just what you’re worth.


This is what my life is like sometimes!

My answer was that I’m loving and forgiving and I will sit and listen patiently to any problem you might have. I try my best to be there when you’re sick and scared and need a hand to hold or when you’re sad and need a good laugh. When you build any kind of relationship with me, you’re in for a roller-coaster ride. Those drops? They can be huge and scary and heart-attack inducing but they make the endings and the rest of the ride that much better. When the good things in life happen, I feel like I appreciate them 10 times more and I believe (or hope) I pass that mind-set on to those around me. With me, there is always something to look forward too, even when you feel like the drop is never going to end. These are the reasons why, I believe, I’m worth being around. I’m worth having a relationship with and whenever I feel otherwise, I think of what I’ve given to those around me and especially what they’ve given me back. Not only do I feel better about myself, but I feel blessed to have them all in my life.

Published in: on November 10, 2011 at 11:35 am  Comments (1)  
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